Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
