youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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