my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
