you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
