I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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