Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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