I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
