I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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