today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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