1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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