seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize