why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
