a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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