Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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