So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
