i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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