Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
