You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
