Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
