I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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