I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
