Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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