While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize