no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
