Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize