I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
