This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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