I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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