There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
