she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
