Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
