just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
They have beer where we have blood.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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