am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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