he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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