i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
