just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
