it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
