I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
