Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
