my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
