That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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