Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
