My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
