Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
