yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
BRING THE BAGELS
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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