So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
