I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
