Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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