; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
