uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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