He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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