Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
