Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
