textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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