in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
