Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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