Dual....:-)
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize