I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize