Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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