i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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