I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
