walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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