So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
