i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
