Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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