If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
